


I Barely Dreamt the Pain

by Doomkitty25



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Roller Coaster, Empathy Magic, F/F, F/M, M/M, Magic is a dick, They get raked across the coals, Tower Adventure, so much crying, team effort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-04-24 20:02:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19180426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doomkitty25/pseuds/Doomkitty25
Summary: How six magicians overcome their emotions to break a centuries old empathy spell,That guards a key,That will unlock a room,That has a book,That can save the world,Or in which six Magicians walk into a Gothic tower and cry a little bit, yell a little bit, and even laugh a little bit.





	1. The Dark of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a tower and a lot of schmoopy goopy lovey stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I modified the hell out of this, so if you read the first iteration you are a champion, it's still kinda crap but I didn't want to completely change the plot. *sigh* I swear it only gets this bad when I get maudlin and because I sincerely need to stop watching rom coms before, during or after I write ;'D Also per usual, there is no beta, so if anyone wants to yell at me for split infinitives, I welcome the vitriol D:

Six Magicians walked into a dungeon, would be a great intro for some asinine joke Josh would tell, thought Eliot as he ducked through the doorway. It was all very Gothic revival meets Rapunzel’s tower, Eliot kept expecting to see gargoyles on the stone walls, and roses growing up the corners. Kady led the way, followed by Alice, Penny, and Julia, and he and Quentin rounded out the group at the back. Zelda told them that the book was at the top of the tower, but the path to the top was an emotionally wrenching journey to the bottom. At the bottom they would find the sepulcher that housed the key to the tower’s bower. They needed the book to fix the pathway of souls which had been damaged by the gods in retaliation for releasing magic and opening the Library. The bastards should have been grateful for what they'd done to banish the Monster, but here they all were, traipsing into some Gothic tower in an unknown land looking for a magical artifact to put shit back together.

The first part of their quest required that they unlock the barriers between the 6 floors of the tower so they could then enter the dungeon below. Zelda said that each floor is tied to a specific emotion, and to break the locks they would have to counter whatever emotion bound the floor. So happiness would be countered with sadness, hope and fear, gratitude and anger, pride and shame, desire and disgust, and finally love and hate. Not a single group of magicians had been able to breach the tower’s bower in hundreds of years. The emotional turmoil of breaking the locks was more than most could bear. The power behind the lock latched onto the mind of the magician, and flooded their consciousness with the negative emotion. To break the lock, another magician needed to overpower the negative emotion with a positive one. And to make it even more fucked up, the magic chose the magicians, so they couldn’t choose to put Julia and Alice together for sadness and happiness, the power of the tower made the choice.

Eliot was more than a little afraid of what was going to happen. Without a doubt if he was the focus for the fear floor they were all fucked. He’d pretty much told them they should find less complicated magician’s for this little quest, but he’d been overruled and off they’d marched.

“Anyone want to confess their deep dark secrets before the magic gets ahold of us, and how to counter our deep dark secrets?” Kady asked the group boldly.

“This is going to be a disaster.” Alice said instead.

Quentin hummed in agreement. “It’d be helpful if we knew how the magic made its selection.”

“Yeah well we don’t.” Alice said with an acerbic bite.

Eliot looked between the two. There was clearly trouble in paradise, but Quentin just hunched his shoulders and didn’t respond. Eliot wasn’t sure if they were still together, or if they were just arguing. They’d been this way since he’d gotten out of the hospital over 4 months ago, and it was a near constant barrage of catty remarks from Alice and sulking from Quentin. He wanted to help, but he knew Alice would burn him alive if he tried, and he didn't want Quentin doing something he'd regret because the emotional turmoil was breaking him down.

Walking through the hallway arch, Kady came to an abrupt stop before them. It appeared they’d found the locks. The room was round, with a small doorway off to the side where presumably the stairs up to the top and down to the bottom were. 3 raised discs, about a foot off the floor, dominated the room and were situated at the three points of a triangle. Eliot was the last through the door, and a huge pressure fell on all of their shoulders, a loud pop was heard, and they were each surrounded in a fog of color. Eliot and Quentin were glowing blue, Kady and Alice were glowing green, and Julia and Penny were glowing red. Eliot rolled his eyes when he noticed the discs in the room were lit up in the respective colors, subtle this magic was not.

“So we just stand on the disc’s then?” Kady asked.

“We don’t have like a time limit, maybe we should discuss how we’re going to deal with this? Also see if the disc’s have a clue about which emotions we’ll be dealing with.” Julia said as she made her way toward the red disc at the top of the triangle. The minute she stepped near it, the magic pulled her forward into position.

The others sighed, and Kady snapped “Of fucking course.” She rolled her shoulders back and took her place on her own disc the others following behind.

Eliot grabbed Quentin’s arm before he could step on the disc, Quentin turned to him with a questioning look. “Just, do whatever you have to do to me okay. You have my blanket permission to punch me or just, well whatever you need to do.”

Quentin’s eyes went wide and he turned fully to face Eliot, “Yeah, of course. You too. If you need to like, pull me out of a spiral or whatever…..permission granted, just do what you need to do.”

They nodded to each other and stepped onto the glowing blue disc together.

* * *

Eliot was in a dark room, with Quentin sitting lotus style on the floor. Black walls, black floor, and no idea what was above him, Eliot felt as if he were in a void. He could make out Quentin’s outline, but he could barely discern his features. Eliot gracefully dropped to the floor in front of Quentin mirroring his pose, concerned with the noises he was making. Scared rabbits had never been something Eliot particularly cared for, but Quentin was so damn pitiful he just called out for saving and he was just as skittish as a bunny.

Quentin looked up at him through his hanging hair. “What’s the point Eliot, what even is the point of all of this?” he said quietly and sadly, and Eliot could feel the magic rolling off of him in waves of thick sticky despair. He shifted his position and realized he was sinking into the floor, if felt like the darkness was pulling him under. Eliot shook his head, subtlety was an artform, and whomever created this bullshit excuse for a quest, should really study more.

Eliot knew that the magic was driving this, so he tried to frame his question as carefully as he could manage, not wanting to push Quentin but also not wanting to back away from the pain. Eliot didn’t really need to question what emotion the spell had latched onto, it was clear this was going to be a long hard session of how much Quentin hated himself. “The point of what, Q?”

“I’m a fuck up Eliot.” He whispered so faintly Eliot had to strain to hear the words. “I’ve fucked everything up, I always do. I can literally do nothing without screwing it up.”

“Hmmm, I see.” Eliot peered at him in the darkness, and all he could see in his eyes was a vast horizon of pain and hatred. “And I suppose you think you’re the only one who fucks up?”

Quentin glared at him, not shifting his position, but looking Eliot in the eyes at least. “Of course not.”

Eliot nodded sagely, knowing Quentin could barely see him. Thinking quickly, he could play this two ways, one get Quentin so pissed off he cried everything out in anger and sadness, or he could play on Quentin’s need to please him, in which case he could convince his little nerd that love wins. It would be hard but not impossible. “And obviously I’ve fucked up so much that I should just give up too. I mean if we’re working with equivalency here, you and I as equals, I mean?”

Quentin looked startled, “No Eliot, no, you worked so hard to make it out alive, and we worked so hard to keep you alive, you can’t just give up.”

Eliot smiled softly and as kindly as he knew how. “Do you have any idea how brave you are little Q?”

Eliot could see that Quentin was listening, but he also wanted to argue. His mouth was set in a stubborn frown, and his body was tense with his denial. Eliot took a breath and said slowly, “Quentin. Without you I would definitely be dead. Without you Alice would have killed me, Penny would have killed me, Margo wouldn’t have had anyone standing with her to save me. You stood up to some of the best magicians in the world, you fucking survived a maniacal god. Bravery thy name is Quentin Coldwater” Eliot said dramatically placing both his palms on Quentin’s cheeks. Quentin’s eyes were wide, and he was trembling, his thoughts bouncing across his face for Eliot to see.

“But I couldn’t…..I just couldn’t” He trailed off, and slumped even further into himself, pulling his face out of Eliot’s hands. Eliot didn’t want him to hurt himself, so he let him go reluctantly.

For years in Fillory, Eliot, Teddy, and Arielle had managed Quentin’s depression with him, but it didn’t matter what they would say or do, he’d always fallen back into this fallacy of others perceived perfection. By default, if Q couldn’t and others could, he was in some way less. It used to confuse the hell out of Eliot, but the longer he was around Quentin exclusively, the more he began to understand.

“Quentin, listen to me. You don’t have to be perfect, I know you know that.” Eliot stopped abruptly as Quentin full body turned away from him, but Eliot didn’t let him. A part of him recognized that the empathy spell cast on Quentin was making this even more difficult than it would have been normally, but he’d be damned if he was going to fail. “I’m not going anywhere; I won’t leave no matter what you break? You know that right? I won’t abandon you. None of us will.”

“You can’t know that. I mess everything up. I messed us up. I couldn’t get that right, I can’t do anything right. It’s all my fault, everything is my fault.” 

“Quentin, I don’t care if you can’t tie your shoes properly, if you fuck my best friend, or if you somehow burn down the world, I adore you anyway.” Eliot said nonchalantly with an air of almost confused apathy, like it was an absolute fact and Quentin was ridiculous for suggesting otherwise.

Quentin huffed and rolled his eyes. “Maybe, but I couldn’t fix things with Alice, and she...” He trailed off, and Eliot could feel exactly how small Alice had made Quentin feel. He sighed in response knowing that was never her intention, but slightly pissed she couldn’t have kept herself in check for at least another day or two.

“Is that why she’s sniping at you?”

Quentin looked up at him, his eyes full of the pain of failure. “I messed it up Eliot.”

Eliot nodded, “Maybe you did Q, but I guarantee you didn’t do it by yourself.”

“It’s just … if I can’t get anything right, what the hell is the point of trying?” Quentin’s voice rose at the end, almost a shout, as he poured his anger into his words.

Eliot tried not to let the frantic worry inside him bleed into his voice. “What if you can get it right?” He asked softly, knowing Quentin wouldn’t necessarily want to hear those words, but knowing that saying them would make him think.

Quentin groaned his frustration.

“Don’t give me that look Q, you know exactly what it feels like to get it right. Don’t you remember?” Eliot reminded him. The darkness of the room was pressing down on both of them, but Eliot was determined.

Quentin shook his head and threw himself backwards so he was laying down looking into the darkness around them letting the sticky black floor grip his body like a glove. “Yeah, but apparently that’s not enough. I couldn’t convince you that we were worth it. I barely even tried.”

“Shut the fuck up Coldwater, that’s on me, and not you.” Eliot said sharply anger burning his throat. Fuck he was such an idiot. He’d known Quentin would internalize it badly, he’d known, and he’d done it anyway because he was a bitch. Then he’d never told Margo because he knew she’d call him on his shit. Getting his anger at himself and Quentin under control, he moved himself around until he was sitting at Quentin’s head so he could pull it into his lap and away from the darkness trying to drown him. He stroked his hair back from his face, and stared down into his eyes.

Quentin’s brow furrowed, “I don’t understand…”

Eliot smiled as softly and gently as he knew how. “Quentin..." he sighed his name. "I love you." Eliot kept his voice steady, god knows how, but he did.

Quentin’s lips thinned and his eyes hardened just a bit. “But then why did you say…?”

Eliot sighed, looked up into the darkness, and tried to organize what he wanted to say. His gaze returned to Quentin, and he said, “Fear is the short answer. I was a coward who thought he knew what was best.” He continued stroke Quentin’s hair absently, as he explained. “You're brave Q, hell, it never even occurred to you not to ask. You are my fearless little Nerd.” Eliot said with all the love inside him, and he watched hopefully as Quentin processed what he was saying.

He shook his head though a mulish expression coming over his face, much to Eliot’s chagrin, and he came back with “Fucking us up isn’t the only thing I fucked up.”

Eliot rolled his eyes. “Things happen when they're meant to. I was completely and utterly broken. I couldn’t have given you what you needed, I would have ground what we had into dust. Quentin, for god’s sake a broken glass isn’t meant to hold water.”

Quentin glared up at him from his lap, a lively fire growing in his eyes. “I know, you throw it in the trash.”

Eliot pinched his cheek in retaliation. “Bullshit baby, you don’t throw broken things away, it’s not in you to do that, or you would have abandoned Alice, me, Margo, hell all of us a long fucking time ago. You, darling, will always try to fix it, fix me, and I didn’t think I deserved you. I thought I was too fucked up, and I convinced myself that you could fix everything but me, and if I let you try it would break both of us.”

Quentin raised himself up just a bit so he could turn towards Eliot slightly, “But I don’t actually fix things!”

Eliot soothed him back down into his lap. “You try, and it’s what keeps you going. Do you understand me?” Eliot grabbed Quentin’s hands in his own to reinforce his intensity. He believed inside his soul, that Quentin healed the broken cracks inside of him. “Your physical presence in my life makes me better. The rest of the journey I have to take on my own, and I fucking suck, and you don’t deserve any of the shit I throw at you; that any of us throw at you. You are not responsible for Alice’s bullshit anymore than you’re responsible for mine. Our shit doesn’t mean you’re a failure Q.” Eliot said fiercely and tightening his grip on Quentin’s hand relieved, he could see more of Quentin than he’d been able to before. Light was beginning to break through the darkness. Eliot figured, Mr. Magician Mac-subtle, intended for the room to light up like the sun when the spell was broken.

Quentin sat up then, turning so he was beside Eliot and they were facing opposite ends of the darkness, hip to thigh. Quentin earnestly stated, “No, Eliot no, I’m the piece of shit. If I was better, you wouldn’t have to sit here and...”

Eliot put his hand over his mouth. “Quentin.” Eliot said sternly. “You can’t hate what you are or what you can do, it’s a god damned miracle. Fixing the cracks in me, if I had never met you, I would have said it was impossible. You are a fucking gift, Quentin, and I wish I could make you see.”

Quentin pushed his hand away, “That doesn’t change the fact that I should have tried harder, I should have done something more. I should have fought harder for you. I fucking hate myself for just letting you walk away.”

“It has nothing to do with you Quentin; I would have just pushed back harder. I love you but my fear damned us both, and I’ll prove it!”

Quentin looked skeptical, “How, you couldn’t possibly?”

Eliot put his hands back on Quentin’s cheeks, with a very serious expression and a grave tone he said, “There is no one in life or death that I’ve ever loved more than you.” Eliot pitched his voice to be his ridiculous affected actor voice. In Fillory it had made Teddy giggle and Quentin sigh in exasperation. Performance was in his blood, and he was about to enter-fucking-tain.

Quentin rolled his eyes, exasperated with Eliot's dramatics, and completely oblivious to the lightening of the empathy magic, but Eliot noticed the floor getting firmer and the night getting lighter. With a grin he exclaimed, “My love for you is epic.”

“I have met Margo and been in the same room with you...together...at the same time...naked...I call bullshit.” Quentin said with a huff.

Eliot’s curls were reflecting a phantom light he shook his head, “Nope, not a single person. Margo included. No matter how much I play or act, or deflect, or hide, not a single person means as much to me as you do.” Eliot tweaked Quentin’s nose, and Q jerked his head back.

“Just saying that isn’t going to make me believe Eliot.”

Eliot pushed Quentin’s legs apart and got on his knees between them so he could get as close to Quentin’s face as possible. “I’m not done Coldwater.” He said with a growl and an eskimo kiss. He got exactly what he wanted when Quentin let out a small chuckle and a very slight smile.

Slipping into his light airy storytelling voice, he said dramatically “I saw you that first day on campus, and I thought you were cute.” He bent closer with a dramatic whisper said “Margo not so much” Quentin giggled, and Eliot carried on. “She thought I exaggerated far too much just how appealing you are. Eventually I convinced her of your charms.”

Quentin leaned back just a bit. “I don’t…”

Eliot snapped his fingers in Quentin’s face. “Quiet, I’m not done. I said barely 10 words to you. Sentences were hard. But you, Quentin Coldwater,  _captivated_ me.” He paused for breath, to increase his dramatic flair waiting for Quentin’s tentative smile. His adorable little nerd pushed his hair back and smiled up at him, and Eliot was fucking grateful he could finally make out his features.

With the light illuminating his face, creating shadows for drama, Eliot shook his head, his tone turning serious. “Q I need you to know it wasn’t what you were wearing, that was pure tragedy. And, I was not drawn to your stellar dialogue, because you were not at your best. None of those things mattered to be honest, in the end it wasn’t even how cute you were.” Eliot crouched down, tweaked Quentin’s nose, and smiled sincerely. “I’d seen some incredibly cute nerds make their way into Brakebills by that point, you know.” Eliot put his hands on Quentin’s thighs and gave them a tight squeeze to make sure he kept Quentin’s attention. “No Quentin, it was none of those things. Why do you think I couldn’t stay away from you?”

Quentin frowned, but responded with complete conviction, “It wasn’t love, you were not in love with me, do not try to convince me you were.”

Eliot raised a hand to wave it airily and said “No...no, of course it wasn’t, but I was absolutely drawn to you. I was in your orbit, circling around you. Why do you think that is, Quentin? No baby, don’t look down, look at me. Why do you think that I attached myself to you?”

Quentin dropped his chin to his chest, but Eliot was having none of it, and lifted his chin. “I’m proving a point sweet, why do you think I needed to be around you?”

Eliot smiled when Quentin sighed, “Because I interested you.”

Eliot clapped. “Money shot baby. I found you utterly intriguing. You want to know why?”

Quentin cautiously nodded, and Eliot breathed a sigh of relief. Not only was Q listening now, he was actually absorbing. He wasn’t hiding anymore, and Eliot could feel the magic sludge on them melting away. Eliot made sure Quentin was still looking in his eyes. “Quentin I was in fucking awe of you, because of the sheer wonder on your face, the absolute joy of discovering magic was all over you." Eliot turned his face away remembering that day in crystal clarity. Licking his lips and smiling dreamily he continued. 

"You were not the first person I escorted to the test. A few of them had been overwhelmed, but none of them looked like every prayer they’d ever said was being answered.” Eliot stood up and pulled Quentin to his feet as well. They were both bathed in a soft golden light, enough that the darkness was falling away from them, and they could see each other clearly.

“Looking at your face I wanted to know what it would be like, to feel you look at me that way. It was like staring into the sun, a bright beautiful sun. And I have never been so inherently drawn to anything before, ever. Then you and I were on a lifelong quest together, and that look came back several times. When Arielle agreed to marry you, when Teddy was born, that first time you kissed me, god damn it.” Eliot said with a sniff, trying to hold back the tears. “I craved that look from you, I still fucking do. Nothing and no one has ever been able to match that look on your face.”

Quentin laughed, the sound like a beautiful summer day wrapping itself around him. Eliot could feel the warmth of that first day in his mind, and he hoped like hell Quentin could feel it as well. Tears were falling from Quentin’s eyes, and on a choked sob he said, “You love me, like really love me.”

Eliot nodded, needing to reinforce his feelings though, he quietly said into the fading darkness around them, “There isn’t a thing you could ask me for that I wouldn’t give, if it were within my ability to give.” Eliot knew it was a vow, and he could feel the final dregs of the magic slip away.

Quentin stared at him with his wide-eyed puppy smile, “You mean that?”

Eliot nodded, “Of course I do.”

Quentin looked around the lit room in a daze; he could just barely make out the others on their discs surrounded by the magic. “We broke the lock from my side.”

Eliot laughed, “So I just had to make you believe I love you.”

Quentin shrugged with his own smile, “Well to be fair it is a hard thing for me to believe. But I do believe in it and you.”

Eliot threw his arms around Quentin, pulling him into the tightest hug he could manage, “Q every bit of bravery I have is because of you. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be the little dick I was when you met me.”

Quentin laughed into his chest, “I don’t believe that for a minute Eliot.”

Eliot shuddered, “No I would be, I’d be the worthless piece of shit my father always thought I was, defective merchandise you know.”

Quentin pulled back slightly. “Eliot?” He asked with concern.

The darkness was back, engulfing them and the room around them. “I think it’s my turn, remember we both have to break the empathy spell….ugh” Eliot groaned painfully.

 

 


	2. Who'll Be There When I Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kady and Julia are under the empathy spell, and Penny and Alice have to somehow pull them back from the edge.

Alice stumbled backwards and she felt a shiver run through her body, even though she was standing in a beautiful sunlit garden. Everything around her looked like a scene from a British period drama. The manor house on the hill, the sprawling landscape, and Kady walking among the roses wearing a peach sundress. Her hair hung in a straight black curtain down her back, and she wore the lightest of pink makeup. Alice couldn’t help but think she was incredibly pretty, but she also wanted to recoil at how much this wasn’t Kady. Not the Kady she knew.

Alice was afraid to say anything, knowing and feeling the magic wrapped around them, she approached Kady cautiously.

“Oh Alice, dear, you made it.” Kady said brightly, her normally dulcet tone dripping with fake cheer.

Alice frowned. She’d watched the movie about the Stepford wives with some friends in high school, laughing the whole time inside because it was the complete antithesis of her own parents. There wasn’t a universe or another world in any dimension where her mother would ever have been a 1950’s housewife, much less a gentrified British lady. Looking at Kady, her shiny black hair catching the sun, that was all she could think, that a robot had taken Kady’s place.

“Kady, is everything okay?.” Alice intoned, not really knowing what to do, her carefully constructed plan for breaking the spell put on hold by how worried she was in the face of an impostor Kady.

Kady’s brow wrinkled just a bit. “Of course everything is perfect. I’m perfect. This garden is perfect. My life is perfect. Why, do you think something isn’t perfect?” Kady’s tone was bordering on anxious by the time she finished, and Alice was thoroughly horrified. She had to fix this.

“Well, no, that’s not what I was thinking at all. I was just wondering why you’re out here in the garden?” Alice decided to hedge as close to polite and charming as she could be. She knew the empathy spell was working on Kady, so she just had to figure out which emotion it was. It was clearly not anger, which she was mildly grateful for, Kady would have burned her alive. Fear, shame, or disgust were the most likely contenders, she just had to figure out which questions to ask. She seemed to fear imperfection, but it didn’t feel right. The weight of the spell didn't feel like the adrenaline fear ignited within you. It felt heavier, stickier, puzzling Alice.

“It’s such a beautiful day, and I must cut these roses, for the display in the foyer needs to be just perfect.” Kady said with a petal pink smile, as she bent to pick up her shears and cut a rose from one of the bushes.

Alice really was struggling with this image. Kady was the bad bitch with the sword, she was wonder woman, she was the commander of the troops, the warrior, and if she came home one day and said she wanted to straighten her hair and wear florals, well, Alice would totally support her; but, this was not in any way her choice. Alice just couldn’t see what would make her decide to do this, or what the magic was pulling out of her emotional turmoil to make her do this.

Familiar with all things gardening, Alice got closer and picked up a garden trowel. Keeping an eye on Kady, she asked in her friendliest voice, which even to her own ears sounded fake as hell. “Kady, who do you need to impress with the flowers?”

Kady continued snipping flowers and humming, “Well everyone you know. Everyone in the house. We musn’t let them know what I am. They would be so disappointed you know, if they ever found out.” Finished with her flowers, she dropped them into a basket by her feet, and picked it up to head towards the manor.

Alice was wracking her brain. She’d prepared damnit, she had a list of questions that she’d written down and memorized for each of the negative emotions. It was like the empathy spell anticipated it and scrambled her thoughts. She absentmindedly followed Kady, still no closer to what negative emotion they were drowning in. As soon as they stepped across the threshold of the manor, Alice forgot entirely what they were even doing there.

Women were all over the floor. Everywhere she looked, the marble floor was covered with half naked women; either out of their minds or passed out. But what really got her attention was the grand room right off the foyer. On a slightly raised stage, a man was slowly using knives to make small bleeding cuts along Penny’s naked body. Penny was bound to a post, his hands behind his back, his tongue cut out, and his clothes in tatters. Alice could hear screaming from the many rooms on the many floors above them.

Horrified, she swung around to Kady. “Kady, what in the world, we have to do something!”

Kady’s eyes went wide and she gripped her basket tighter. “No Alice, no..I’m too weak. I can’t save anyone, I need to do my own thing.” She shook her head fiercely, and walked over to a large bureau where a vase sat. She began placing the roses into the vase one by one.

Some of the women were crawling towards Kady, and she very primly sidestepped them as she continued arranging flowers. It was like watching a deranged hostess in the middle of a zombie invasion. Then Alice saw a man, pulling a young child behind him, walk down the hall and into one of the side rooms and she began to mildly panic. Throwing up a little bit in her mouth but reminding herself firmly it wasn’t real, Alice marched over to Kady and swung her around. She might be suffering from some emotional trauma or delusion spell, but she was still fucking Kady.

“Snap the fuck out of it. Saving people, that’s what you do. That’s who you are. You do not sit around and let fucked up people do fucked up things, especially to fucking children and double especially to fucking Penny. He’s in there bleeding, people are screaming, pull yourself together.” Alice only felt a little bad about cramming that down her throat. She’d learned how to barrel through from her many fights with Quentin.

Kady twisted in her arms struggling fiercely, her sundress ripping just a bit at the shoulders, but Alice held her firmly. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Drug addicts aren’t heroes. Fuck,” She shouted breathing hard, calming slightly realizing that Alice really wasn’t going to let her go. She continued a little quieter, “I killed myself, I’m too weak to do anything or be anything good. These people deserve better.” She said desperately, her straightened hair falling into her face.

Alice, flushed from keeping Kady close, shook her just a bit. “That’s what makes you perfect Kady. You’ve been hurt, you know weakness, you can relate to people who’ve experienced the same thing. You can feel what they feel.” Alice felt the magic get a little lighter and the screams a little softer.

Kady leaned back against the bureau, some of her confidence coming back to her stance. It was still fucking bizarre to see her dressed like a doll, but the badass burning inside of her really was incredibly hard to cover up. Alice smirked. And momentarily wished she didn’t have such a hard time convincing the world of her own badassery.

“Blondie I don’t think you get it. No matter what I’ve gone through, I’m still fucked up. These people need something pure, something good, something holy that they can look up to. All I’m ever going to be is a sidekick.” The magic squeezed Alice’s throat, but she knew what she needed to do. She’d felt it easing the minute Kady pulled her confidence around her.

So, Alice laughed in her face, and ignored the hurt look that Kady shot at her. “Kady you couldn’t be a sidekick if you tried. You are bold, you are daring, and you are one of the most passionate people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.” Alice stroked Kady’s arms, and fixed the shoulder of her dress. She smiled as brightly as she could, given the mess they were in, but it was sincere and she hoped Kady understood.

“You throw yourself in body first, fists flying, with the intent to protect driving every move you make.” Alice brushed Kady’s hair back from her face. “I do what needs to be done because it’s the best option, I work through the math and the probability, but you do what needs to be done because it’s the right thing to do.”

Kady let her head fall just a bit so her forehead rested against Alice’s. The darkness of her strands mixing with the paleness of Alice’s. Alice appreciated the contrast. “Then why do I feel like such a shit human being?”

Alice didn’t move her face, oddly comforted by giving Kady comfort, and was more than a little surprised by the heat that had ignited in her stomach. “You’re not a shit human being. I wish I could be more like you sometimes. You inspire others with your strength, I wish I could command the same respect.”

Kady brought her hands up to cup Alice’s cheeks and pulled back just a bit. “You can’t be serious?”

Alice quirked one of her blonde brows at Kady. “Of course I’m serious. I’ve never seen you bow to authority. Not once. That defiance is one of the most fucking beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed.” Alice said matter-of-factly and with no hesitation.

Kady’s eyes went wide and the world around them faded. Startled they both looked around. Quentin was on his disc with Eliot, and Alice was far less bitter about that situation than she was ready to admit. It looked like they’d already switched places since half the floor on their side was lit up suggesting half the lock was open, figures they’d break an empathy spell in under 10 minutes. She rolled her eyes, wondering what the fuck possessed her to keep getting mixed up with Quentin when he was so fucking far gone on Eliot it was laughable. She was going to have to work on her self destructive streak.

Julia and Penny hadn’t come out of round one yet, and she crossed her fingers for them as she turned to Kady. “I wonder how we start the next part of the spell?” Before she could really finish the word spell, they were submerged in what felt like an endless ocean of energy. Alice couldn’t see beyond the bright light and the heat that surrounded her.

* * *

 

 

Julia was shaking, her whole body vibrating, Penny could tell she was seconds away from coming completely unglued. He tried to get his bearings, but the empathy spell had sapped his power. He felt exactly like he had when he'd been trapped inside the bank during the robbery. Unable to move, and unable to hear anything beyond his own thoughts. Not as comforting as he'd always assumed it would be, every time it happened it always jarred him. Shaking his head, he was too late to approach Julia before she let loose. 

The spell had sent them to a field, a thunderstorm well underway, lightning hitting the ground in random intervals. The rain was pounding down on them, like little shards of glass slapping against their skin. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and Penny couldn't help but think that mother nature had nothing on Julia. Her fury burned across the land. Spires of rock and dirt rising from the sand as her anger grew. She had dropped to her knees, her long wet hair plastered to her back, her hands on her head, and she screamed. She screamed like a banshee, Penny had heard stories and read a few things in his first year. Wailing women they were called. Powerless to do anything but stand in the face of her fury, he knew that breaking the emotional spell that had been cast over her was going to be fucking terrible. 

He had his magic, just not all of his powers. He knew without a second thought or glance that the emotion she was drowning in was anger, and while he didn't understand the depth or breadth of her anger, he had a little experience controlling his own. So he sat, within her eyesight, knowing that approaching her would only make it worse. Speaking would make it worse. Hell if what he saw in her beautiful eyes at the moment was anything to go by, breathing was going to make it worse; so he gave her space.

She continued to scream into the storm, building mountains until her body weakened from the over expenditure of magic. His fucked up choice had made her human, Quentin had given her magic back to her, and the spell was reminding her what it was like to be a goddess. All Penny had done was take, he couldn't justify it, but it was important to him that her anger not eat her up inside. At the time he'd been in over his head, he was backed in a corner, and he'd flipped a coin. Julia deserved better. As her body collapsed onto the ground, Penny began to whisper and move his hands. 

He wasn't entirely sure he could do this, hell he wasn't entirely sure she'd let him finish, but he was hoping against all the bad shit that had gone down before and after that the light inside Julia was still as brilliantly pure as he'd always felt it was. Right now she looked like a hell hound fresh out of the pits of hell as she slowly rose from the ground and stalked towards him. When she was upon him, he moved his hands away from the ground so she could see what he'd done. Inside the wet muddy soil, a small bloom peeked out. The rain would rip it to shreds if Penny moved his hands too far away, so he kept them cupped over the flower.

Julia jerked when she saw it, and looked from the flower to him in confusion. Penny raised his head to the sky, then looked at her. She crossed her arms across her chest, and glared at him furiously, but she turned off the thunder storm. As the last drops of rain fell, he removed his hands.

"What is this? What are you doing?" She all but growled at him.

"When I was little, there was a story I really loved. Kind of like Aesop's fables, but it was an Indian story called the wedding of the mouse." Penny said quietly, his tone reminiscent. "I don't have a lot of great childhood memories, but that story it always stuck with me."

"Your point Penny. I'm not really in the mood for childhood fucking stories." Julia said acerbically, her voice a even more husky than usual from the screaming earlier.

He continued ignoring her tone and her look rolling his eyes at her surly fucking attitude. "Once upon a time, a wizard saved a mouse from an Eagles claws, afraid that the Eagle would just eat the mouse if he left it alone, the wizard turned the mouse into a baby girl. He then raised the baby with his wife. She grew up and reached the age of marriage. The wizard and his wife looked for her a husband. They proudly offered her to the Sun god, but she turned him down. She also refused the Lord of Wind, Lord of Clouds, and the Lord of Mountains. In their petty anger at her dismissal they claimed she was only fit for the Lord of Mice the smallest and weakest of them all. Upon meeting the Lord of the Mice she immediately agreed to marry, and the Wizard transformed her back into a mouse."

Julia looked confused, but as he suspected the tension in her body relaxed. If he could just get her to sit down they'd be in business. 

"What the fuck Penny?" 

He sighed. "I was like 7. I liked the story because it was meant to teach you that you basically are what you are inside and no one can change that. Does't matter what you're transformed into, you're still you. And Julia no matter how badly I fucked up, how sorry I am for doing what I did, or how much shit you've gone through in your life, you're still fucking you."

She glared but sat down in front of him. Her trembling had decreased somewhat, but he could still see the tension in her body. "It's not the same. You ripped a piece of me away. You carved out my insides, and I'm getting really fucking sick of men doing that to me." Her voice echoed her anger across the landscape she'd ripped to shreds.

Penny nodded. "Yeah and I'm a dick for doing that, but I'm grateful you're alive. I'm a fucking selfish fuck, but I'm grateful I don't have to live in a world where you aren't. That's on me. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm not even asking you to see me without wanting to set me on fire, I'm asking you to look at this flower." He waved his hands to the flower.

She was confused but she did as he asked. "Life is inside this tiny little thing, a spark, a spark that I pulled out of the ground." He moved his hands to pull more of the flower to the surface. It was a daisy. Little at first, but as he continued the spell it bloomed into a full bright beautiful daisy. "I believe, more than I've ever really believed in anything, that the same spark is inside you. I don't really think I can chose to make you something that your not." Penny sighed and ran a hand across his face. "I had to make a choice, I would change the choice I made to make you happy, but I stand by my choice." He said it firmly because he knew if he wavered she'd pounce. He'd fucked up, he knew that, but he also knew it was a choice he'd make again. She deserved to make the choice herself. He wished like hell he was never put in a position like that again because he knew if the tables were turned and she'd taken a piece of him away, he'd be just as fucking pissed off. she had every right to the burning anger inside of her, he just wanted her to understand that despite the fucked up situation she was a treasure.

"I don't understand Penny, Why?" She shivered as her wet clothes began to feel suffocating and chilly with the breeze floating around her.

"Because Julia, if any god damned person on this earth could ignite the spark of a goddess within them through sheer willpower and knowledge, that person is you. Regardless of my fuckup Jules, you are still you, and if you want something bad enough, you will move the heavens to get it. And I'm fucking grateful that even my shit decision didn't take that away from you."

Julia looked at him and her anger melted away. For the most part. She knew that sometimes life put you in situations where your first response isn't always the best response, you do the best you can, and you pick up the pieces when you can. Penny was a dick. Penny was a fuck up. But he cared. This world was incredibly short on people who gave a fuck about each other. And people you care about are going to mess up, it's a given. "You will be groveling for eternity I hope you know. Bowing and scraping. I will not go easy on you."

Penny laughed and nodded in acknowledgement.

The heavy weight of the empathy spell snapped, and just like that they were standing on their disc looking out at the others. Quentin and Eliot seemed to be done and Penny glared at the smug look Quentin shot him. Just because they were so far up each other's asses, that didn't mean he had ground to stand on. Eliot looked like he had been pushed into a meat grinder though, so Quentin's gloating was short lived as he turned back to mother hen Eliot. Penny rolled his eyes.

Alice and Kady were caught up in their round 2 spell, so he turned back to Julia with a grin and a laugh. "Well that was't as bad as Zelda made it out to be, girl we got this." He said confidently. Julia just smiled her soft smile at him, and he tried to hang onto it as his world went dark and he was falling through an endless cavern of darkness.

 

 


	3. Seasons Don't Fear the Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last round of the emotion spell.

* * *

 

Julia was confused. One minute she was falling the next she was in a hallway. A long seemingly endless hallway. The floor was a grey path and along the hall she did see a few doors, but nothing really jumped out at her. Horror movies made use of this exact hallway far too frequently for her not to be a little uneasy. Knowing that she was going to get nowhere if she didn’t start walking, she took her first hesitant step.

A weight was at her back, and she was petrified of turning around, expecting spiders to come crawling out of the cracks and submerging her body in their creepy bodies.  Goosebumps pimpled her skin as a light cold breeze wafted through the hall. God damnit Penny she thought, couldn’t we have gotten like sadness or something. She took a deep breath and pictured Quentin’s face, the least scary thing she knew, and a little fluffy bunny just in case Quentin couldn’t keep the nightmares at bay.

Deep calming breaths, that was the only way she was going to get to the end of this hallway, if that was even what her intended destination was meant to be. Step after step, her ears and eyes straining for any hint of Penny. Nothing jumped out at her, and she saw nothing of Penny by the time she reached the first door. Placing her hand on the door handle, she took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open.

The floor under her gave way and she was falling down the side of a mountain, rough ground, rocks, and dirt burned her thighs and her hands as she rolled onto her stomach trying to stop her slide. It took her a minute to wrap her brain around the fact that she was falling down a mountain. A fucking mountain. Like what the hell was this.

Finally, she saw Penny and he was at the bottom of the little rock slide, his body submerged under falling rock, blood pouring from his eyes and mouth. Jesus fuck she thought as she scrambled over to his side. “Penny.” she whispered and gasped as he let out a pained choking sob.

“Hurts.” He said, raspy and choking. She could tell he was terrified. “Broken.” He tried to rasp out and she hushed him. Then she realized he couldn’t see her. He was cataloging everything himself, doing his best to move the rocks off of him, and when she snapped her fingers before his eyes he didn’t even flinch. Penny thought he was completely alone, buried under a rock slide, in the middle of fucking nowhere with no hope for help anywhere nearby.

His body was broken. His spirit was broken. Julia sighed, even if she wasn’t the love of his life. Even if she wasn’t his person. Did he not know that she wouldn’t abandon him? None of them would. Well Quentin might, but he was a dick sometimes. She brushed his short hair back, and tried to wipe some of the blood from his face. He turned his head into her hands and she gasped.

He couldn’t see her, but he could feel her. Julia bit her lip. His fear overrode his sense of sight, but if she could play on his other senses, maybe they could break this spell.

His body was lying still on the ground, so she performed a minor healing spell. Then she began to touch him.

Running her hands along his body. Fingers brushing across his biceps, nails running across his chest, he twitched with feeling. She stroked her thumbs across his collarbone and tapped his cheeks with her fingers. His brow furrowed and he gasped, blood gurgling from his mouth.

He whispered into the cold mountain air, “Julia?” He said it hesitantly, a question. He wasn’t actually sure she was there. Julia felt the air around them dip, and the spell lightened. She had to double her efforts, it was kind of working she just needed to engage more of his senses. She pushed some of the rocks out of the way and got serious. If he needed her to be here then she was fucking going to be here.

She started to sing. _The slightest words you said, Have all gone to my head, I hear angels sing in your voice, When you pull me close._ Continuing to run her hands all over every available inch of skin, she willed him to realize she was there. Warmth suffused her body, and she pushed as much of it outward toward Penny as she could grasp. His body jerked, and she finished the song _Keep me from falling apart, oh, Falling apart._

“Julia, fuck.” Yes thought Julia she’d made him believe. A pained agonizing groan worked its way out of him, and Julia tried to climb off of him afraid she would make his pain worse. He stopped her by wrapping his arms around her, while also trying to sit up himself. “Where did you come from?”

She stroked his face and let him hug her even if she felt a little wary of it. “I was here the whole time, you just needed to believe it,” she said softly.

Penny looked up at her, catching her gaze and she felt like she was trapped in a whirling spinning room, on a ride she was afraid to be on but too exhilarating to actually ask for someone to stop it.

With a deep breath and an encouraging smile, she said “We need to get you back up the mountain.”

Penny dropped his eyes, clearly cataloging his injuries. “Can’t. My legs are broken.” he said haltingly.

Julia laughed the bell like tone echoing through the mountains, “Jesus Penny, it’s like you forget we’re motherfucking Magicians.”

* * *

Quentin blinked, one minute Eliot was before him speaking, in the next he was gone. The high from acknowledging Eliot’s love was fading, and in its place was a gnawing pain. From what, Quentin couldn’t tell, but he pushed it down as Eliot was his priority. The darkness was no longer a void, it had a weight like rocks, crumbling around him pushing against his skin and cutting off his circulation. Quentin took a few cautious steps to see if he could get his bearings, when the world around him lit up in a fiery red. Stumbling backwards he shook his head and blinked rapidly. A filmy crimson haze settled over him, and Quentin shivered. This was nothing like the otherworldliness of Fillory, this was hell, and the minute he thought it he felt warmth wash over him.

He walked forward some more knowing that Eliot was here and terrified of what he was going to find. Sweat was beading on his brow, and as he walked through a small gap in the rocks surrounding him, he gasped harshly, anxiety rocking through him like a wave crashing into a cliff.

Eliot was on his knees, stripped naked, hands bound behind him and the red lights illuminating every part of his body. His head was shaved, his beautiful curls on the ground around him, and Quentin whimpered. This was far beyond whatever the fuck he had just gone through, Eliot was fucking suffering. A black wispy smoke form was behind Eliot all of a sudden, and a whip crack sound echoed off the rocks surrounding them, and Eliot jerked forward, agonizing pain in every line of his body. Quentin realized they were in a cave, a dungeon, and Eliot was being punished.

Rushing forward, Quentin fell to his own knees before Eliot, but El’s eyes were glossed over and whatever he was looking at it wasn’t Quentin. Afraid to touch him, but not sure what to do to snap El out of it, Quentin placed his hand on Eliot’s chest, and all of a sudden he was hearing the surround sound.

“Your legs are too long and you’re overweight, I think we’ll need to replace you tomorrow. You just don’t fit our aesthetic, or anyone’s really.” Quentin jerked his hand back and watched the shadowy figure pull back and the sound of a whip crack not a moment later. Quentin fell back onto his ass and fought the urge to burst into tears. How in the hell was he going to break through whatever the fuck mantra Eliot had going in his mind right now?

He crawled forward again and wrapped his arms around Eliot’s waist. Untying the ropes binding Eliot’s wrists, he moved his arms to his sides. Knowing he needed to hold on if he was going to absorb Eliot’s pain, he clenched his fingers around Eliot’s wrists and let Eliot’s pain engulf him again.

The red haze pulsed and Quentin was standing in the throne room of Whitespire. Eliot was dressed like a King and he was gesturing wildly commanding everyone’s attention. Quentin stepped back, and watched as a small boy sat behind the throne with his arms wrapped around his knees. He had Eliot’s curls. Quentin watched as he faded in and out, until finally he was gone.

The scene shifted, and Eliot was lying on his bed in the cottage. Mike was moving around the room, talking, but Eliot was on the bed staring numbly out the window, his body fading in and out. Quentin couldn’t hear the words, but he didn’t need to. Eliot was fading, he wasn’t anchored, he didn’t feel like he was real. And it broke Quentin’s fucking heart, he knew better than most how it felt to fade in and out of nothingness. He reached out a hand, but once again the scene shifted.

Eliot was sitting by the river in Fillory, the mosaic in the background. His feet were in the water and he was holding a knife in his hands. Quentin gasped, the red haze pulsed, and went dark. As light slowly filtered back in, he watched Eliot very deliberately tilt the knife. Quentin lunged forward, but he couldn’t grasp Eliot. His body was fading, and Quentin could only stare as  he cut the tip of his finger until blood welled up. Then, holding his finger out over the water, he let a few drops drip into the stream, and when the third drop fell, he faded to nothing.

Quentin pulled his arms from around Eliot and shook his head fiercely. No. Just fucking no. He stood up, wrapping his power around him. Eliot was not going to suffer whatever the fuck this magic was trying to do to him. They’d been through too much, they’d worked too fucking hard, and Quentin was not going to let some fucking ancient spell cut Eliot’s knees out from under him.

They could use magic in this hell hole, and they were partnered for a reason, so Quentin raised his hands in front of him and began the motions Julia had painstakingly taught him right after Eliot had woken up in the hospital with gaping wounds in his stomach. She’d been a little surprised he could actually pull off the spell, but Alice had said that because Quentin’s discipline was minor mending, and this spell was for healing, that he had a better chance than most of pulling it off. They’d needed to be able to balance Eliot’s energy, so the transfer spell allowed them to shift his energy so he didn’t overload himself. Alice and Julia were exhausted, and they needed another person in the rotation.

When he finished the last flourish, he watched Eliot fall forward onto his hands and knees. Confused, but no longer stuck inside his head. “What?” He said, his hoarse voice barely above a whisper.

“I transferred our energies.” Quentin said between clenched teeth, making sure to keep his breathing under control. Panic attacks were a bitch, and he knew he could head this one off, but he needed to concentrate.

“I don’t understand?” Eliot said quietly drawing his arms around his naked body, and shivering.

“Nothing in the books said you were the one who had to shoulder the burden El. You don’t deserve this, and of the two of us, I’m far more capable of dealing with being emotionally crippled.” Quentin said as he drew in a  deep breath. He settled the emotional web that he’d taken from Eliot, sifted through what he was feeling, and let it slide off of him like water. Julia had said that Eliot’s emotions felt like the color purple, and she was yellow, so as long as she could keep their colors separate she could bleed Eliot’s emotions off of her. Quentin didn’t need the colors. Eliot just felt like Eliot to him, and he let the shame smothering him drift into the void.

“How did you manage Quentin? You can’t just take people’s emotions.” Eliot said, shivering, barely able to get the words out. His naked body was laying on the rocky ground, and he was already covered in bruises from the punishment by the shade, but the physical rocks surrounding him were leaving lacerations and rashes on his body.

Quentin stood quickly as soon as the spell dissipated, and removed his hoodie. He pulled it over Eliot’s head, ignoring his protests, and then pulled Eliot into his arms like a child. “It doesn’t matter El.” Quentin rubbed Eliot’s arms, and squeezed him as tightly as El would let him around his injuries, not really wanting to go into that aspect of Eliot’s recovery. It wasn’t that they kept it from him, it was just such a small thing, he’d never thought to mention it. Eliot’s emotional turmoil had made the healers work difficult in the beginning, getting him back to stable after being possessed had been a struggle. The red haze around them was slowly lifting, and as the harsh light of reality settled over them, Eliot became more aware.

“Q, I don’t understand?” Eliot said, shaky and unsure.

Quentin just rubbed his chin back and forth on Eliot’s head, the lack of hair making his stomach clench, but attempting to soothe him and gather his thoughts. “You know you don’t have to be perfect right?”

Eliot let out a self deprecating laugh. “Obviously.”

Quentin sighed. “No that’s not what I meant, I mean you know that my love for you isn’t conditional.” He turned Eliot’s face so he was cupping both cheeks in his hands. “You don’t have to be anything but yourself, that’s it. I don’t need you to wear silk, or fix your hair, or convince me that you are anything but you.” He let out a frustrated groan and ran his fingers across Eliot’s bare head. “….it doesn’t matter to me if you walk around wrapped in a ratty quilt we bought from a local peddler. I just want you close, healthy, and free.”

Eliot stared at him, and Quentin just patiently stared back. The red haze dissipated completely and they were once again in the tower room. The illusion surrounding them dissolved, and Eliot was in his own clothes and Quentin’s hoodie was back in place. Eliot stepped back. “That was intense.”

Quentin nodded. “Yeah, a little.” Quentin looked around, the others were still wrapped up in the magic, and he hoped like hell they didn’t have to suffer. It was a long shot, but that had been bad and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. Eliot stumbled a little, so Quentin guided him back to a sitting position and just wrapped his arms around him. “Can we just sit here for a bit?”

Eliot wrapped his arms around him, and tucked his face into Quentin’s neck, “yeah, that sounds good.”

 

* * *

Kady watched Alice dissolved into energy and thought “fucking hell.” Quentin had talked to her once about what it had been like to deal with post niffin Alice. It was while he was sitting beside Eliot’s bed, after he and Julia had performed that emotional stabilization spell to keep Eliot from going off the deep end. Kady had asked why they’d never tried anything like that with Alice. Quentin had looked really sad for a minute but shook it off enough to tell her that Alice would have burned him out. At Kady’s confused look, Quentin had laughed a little.

“Eliot’s emotions are like air to me. They sort of drift around and I can wave them around or brush them off. Alice’s emotions are like lightning, and she’d literally burn me alive. If we were to perform that spell for Alice, it would have to be someone who had a similar energy to her. She’s intense as fuck.” Eliot had twitched on the bed, and she’d lost Quentin’s attention after that. But watching Alice become pure energy, she had to agree with him. Alice was motherfucking intense.

The walls surrounding them were white, the floors were white, and the ceiling was white. Kady had been in rooms like this before, and nothing good ever came from it. She walked around the room looking for the edges, and had to duck when Alice’s energy came flying back into the room. It hit the wall with a crack, and the white panel fractured. Alice was laying on the floor wearing a white jumpsuit made of pure silk. Her hair lay around her like waves of pulsing light. Kady was mesmerized.

Alice rolled to her side and let out a wailing scream, that tapered off into whimpers. Kady rushed to her side and knelt down to put a hand on her shoulder. “Alice what’s wrong.”

Alice was breathing deeply, gasping for air. “Not again.” She said over and over. And Kady realized, they’d let her go niffin, the feeling of being all knowing and powerful had been at her fingertips once again, and they’d ripped it away. This spell was a fucking dick. Kady could feel it pressing on her and Alice, and wanted to rip at its seems.

Alice curled her body up into a ball, trying to wrap herself into herself, and she began to sob. Kady sat back on her ass, and pulled Alice into her arms stroking her hair and trying to think. Alice jerked away from her after a minute, but Kady followed not wanting her to hurt herself. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Alice it’s going to be okay.” Kady said as soothingly as she knew how. Soothing was not her default setting, but her voice could sometimes soothe people she’d learned over the years. And working with the hedges recently, she’d pulled out her calming commander tone enough that it was a little more natural.

“No it’s not, I’m human and this world is bullshit. Nothing here is worth…..” Alice trailed off as Kady shook her shoulders fiercely. She ran her hands through Alice’s silky hair, and then gripped it in a tight fist to get her to focus.

“We need you Alice. You belong with us.” Kady said fiercely to combat whatever spiral Alice was falling into.

“No, you really don’t. Julia can run the Library, you can take care of the Hedges. Eliot and Margo have Fillory, I have literally nothing.” Tears streamed down her face, choking her. “I just want it to be over.”

Kady frowned and snapped, “Remember that time I punched you in the face?” Alice jerked back noticeably shaking off the emotional spiral. Finally. She looked around the room, she furrowed her brow at Kady in a you better not fucking hit me expression. Pulling her hands up between her and Kady she pushed herself back out of Kady’s arms. Sitting there with her head bowed, she laughed. Then she giggled, surprising herself from what Kady could tell.

Well good Kady thought, this self pity sadness bullshit wasn’t going to get them anywhere. “We work best as a team, if you’d stop trying to do all of this shit yourself, we’d all be in much better shape you know.” Kady said softly, not wanting to disturb the control that Alice had managed to gain over the spell.

Alice nodded and looked around the white room. “Yeah, you’re right of course. So I feel like I’m, well for lack of a better way to explain it, I’m basically Quentin right now. I’m so sad I can barely think straight.” Tears were still streaming down her face, but she was sitting up, holding her body as tightly as she was able. Kady admired the fuck out of her control.

“Okay so how do we snap the spell?”

Alice took in a calming breath, thinking, then she sighed. “You need to make me happy. Happy has to be the only emotion I can feel.”

With a nod and a flex of her fingers, she brought them up to begin a spell. Alice put her hands on Kady’s wrist to stop her. “What are you doing?”

Kady grinned, “I’ve known you for years Quinn, if you don’t think I can whip something out to put a smile on your face, you haven’t been paying attention.”

Alice grimaced, “But you don’t like me.”

Kady laughed, “Alice, people liking you isn’t a prerequisite for knowing you well enough to bring you happiness, and you do shit sometimes that makes me want to punch you...I mean case in point. But, powerful, intelligent, stubborn bitches do it for me blondie. With that kind of resume it’s sort of a given that you’ll piss me off, doesn’t mean I can’t want you, and I definitely wouldn’t want you any other way. Now sit back and watch.”

Alice was stunned as she watched Kady’s hands move. Her discipline was battle magic, but battle magic called upon phosphoromancy pretty frequently so she had a pretty good handle on what she was doing. Alice could tell. With a flourish of her hands and a snap of her fingers, the floor between them erupted, and a herd of glass horses came alive under Kady’s hands. Alice’s eyes went wide and she looked at Kady, her laughter echoing off the walls of the white room, remembering Kady watching that day in class.

Kady leaned forward and pressed her mouth to Alice’s and let out a pleased chuckle when Alice pressed back. The empathy spell snapped and they fell into one another. Quentin had Eliot wrapped around him, but he was watching Kady hold Alice with a huge grin on his face. He did a thumbs up sign and pulled Eliot a little closer. On her other side, Julia had Penny in her arms, and for the first time in a really long time, she thought everything was going to be okay.

The magic they’d all collectively conquered, erupted in flashes of light pulsing in the room. The discs they were all on, lowered until they were flush with the main floor, and the barrier leading to the stairs shattered. They all stood up and looked at each other.

Alice was shaky on her feet, and it looked like Penny was struggling to stand as well. Kady watched them all like a hawk. Alice said shakily, “So the next challenge is going to pick one of us as a focus, and the rest of us are going to need to keep their emotions balanced. If they tip too far into the realm of negative emotions, we’ll lose the chance at the key to the bower.”

Eliot looked around at them. “Are we ready? I don’t know about the rest of you, but my brain is literally pounding from all the shit we just went through.”

Julia broke in, “Yeah I think we should maybe take a breather. We can look around, but don’t trigger the spell yet. I have an idea.”

Kady looked at her in confusion, “What?”

Quentin walked up to Julia, “I think you’re right.”

Alice swung around to look at the two of them. “She didn’t say anything.”

Quentin shrugged, “She didn’t have to.”

Penny had leaned up against the nearest wall, “Explain.” was all he said, in a clipped almost angry tone.

“I think we need to do a balancing spell. Alice, it’s what we were working on for Eliot during his recovery. I think it would benefit us as a group to like level our emotional webs. And I think with such a large group we should be able to siphon off everyone’s imbalance to level each other out.”

Alice nodded with a look of agreement on her face. “Yeah you’re right, that should definitely make the sepulcher easier to manage.”

Julia, Alice, and Quentin worked on getting the area set up for the spell, and Kady watched them all thoughtfully. Whomever the next floor chose as a focus was going to be interesting. She sighed with a roll of her eyes and thought sarcastically, the shit they did to save the world had better bet worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julia sings Lightweight by Demi Lovato.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. I reblog things [tumblr](https://unresolvednothing.tumblr.com/)


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